I've seen them live happily monogamous lives.
I've written in depth about how they've done it.
But I still get emails like this:
"I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant and we are not prepared for this news. There are many reasons why a child at this point in our individual lives and our collective relationship is not ideal, but the biggest one is my lack of commitment. I can't tell her that I want to be with her because I'm still deeply conflicted about my need to be free sexually. I have for years masturbated to porn and never considered what it was reinforcing--or how powerfully. Now I'm in a loving relationship and can't seem to connect on a deep level because our sex life has stagnated. I don't masturbate to porn on a regular basis anymore, as I have come to the realization that it is bad for my relationship and its development. But I still have a lot of recovery to go through. So, I wish for the prospect of bringing a baby into a healthy relationship (or at least one that is moving in that direction) rather than one that wavers on the whim of my sexual frailty."
And read comments like this:
"I hate porn. Why? Because I’m one of the younger guys who have grown up with the easy accessibility of the internet. It’s easy to see whatever you want with just a quick Google search. I hate it because I allowed myself to be immersed into it and it’s become a part of me. I got married, had two kids, and now I’m divorced and my wife has remarried. I have been through so much pain in my life, and I attribute it to precisely what Ms. Wolf has explained in this article. Even now, my mind has been desensitized, and I work my way through it. It’s a constant battle. I know that I’ve been desensitized–I see it and feel it. Emotionally, I’ve scarred myself. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone who wishes to have a family and a wife to cherish."
When I hear folks in such desperate straights with so little hope, my reaction is always the same: I wish I could introduce you to some people I know:
- Others who were once in your shoes who have fully resuscitated their capacity to enjoy everyday life and relationship fidelity.
- Wise professionals--amazing authors and dedicated scientists--who have studied and written about the good life that can still be yours.
That's why I created this clearinghouse of information and started recruiting.
Welcome to the Life After Porn Project!
Hope you join us!
Sincerely,
Mark Chamberlain, Ph.D.
